AFTER ALL …AND STILL!
It has been a while since I last wrote. And I don’t know about you all but from time to time, things just seem to be happening all around you.
Or maybe this one thing happens, with such deep impact, that everything within you stops for a while.
The rest of the world keeps moving though. Stagnation equals decay; non-movement equals death.
I call such spaces liminal: in-betweens. Not here but not there either. You seem, and feel, suspended. And often times, its as if you are stuck in this cocoon or something. Everything else, is fast paced and moving, just not you. They suck, especially in a world so in love with the ever moving, ever busy ever occupied masculine polarity.
Anyway, it has been one of those. But then, it has been years since I entered one. The biggest mistake I made was in trying to resist the ‘inactive-ness’ of these said spaces. Of course, there is no stopping the process but there is the prolonging of it. And so yea. I do not know how the end feels but I figured I am at one; it feels different now. How I am feels different too, almost as if in this liminal-ness, I explored all the possibilities and timelines that were possible to me.
I chose one, most fitting yes. But I fought, kicked and screamed all the way here. Like an adult tantrum.
Didn’t work but it made the work harder, yes it did.
Things are changing so fast now, I can barely wrap my head around it. And I have been in one such state for weeks now. Jets of desires I sent out years back, even forgot about them, are now manifesting and how so easy at that! Like literally, I am like “Wait, that was from 3 years ago!”.
Dreams, like night time dreams, too …
And to think, all this, because a man I loved but wasn’t really close to died.
I have been beat, flogged and tripped. I have made a fool of myself and others too. I have risen and tried over and over again. I have made so many mistakes, I am no longer afraid of them. I have lost my faith, hope, and still somehow believed though I no longer knew in what. One thing was clear, I am one of those who just never stay down, beaten and trodden or defeated.
I guess this is what liminal spaces test after all, the willingness to keep going. Destinies do not have to be grand affairs but in their pursuit, we discover the grandiose of all things us, all thing Man, all things I AM.
Still, sheesh …!