I am watching people I know being destroyed by intoxication. I have watched this since childhood, the males in my family. Then I watched the friends of my older siblings. Now I am watching it happen to those I know, personally, those I care for and others I don’t. it has always been there, this fire, but now it burns a little too close for comfort.
I don’t know what is sadder, the deep depression that begun their personal cycles or the substances ran to for solace but only kill. I don’t know what is worse, the madness they grew up in and infected them or the slow demise faced in despair as they try to run harder.
Who am I kidding? It isn’t they; it is WE …US.
And now I Am in despair myself. For so long I was concerned with the idealism that I stumbled upon, what I would personally like to call Utopia that I forgot many of others stuck in the battle with no seeming way out.
Anyone who has experienced addiction, and I insist has had the courage to admit the addiction even just to themselves, know how isolating it is. Not the feeling of use and abuse, but rather the helplessness faced when one realizes the slavery they entered themselves into. The desire to get out and the inability to sneeze your way out. The struggle is way to personal, more than any other person than oneself could understand. And thus, the war has just begun.
Next comes battle after battle faced, they never end these battles. It is one battle after another, every one a very ominous moment in life with everything hanging by a thread …a very tight rope walking. You know more than anyone else what you have to lose, maybe this pressure gets too real. Sometimes, we fall from this said pressure.
Have I mentioned the fact that more often than not the very source of the issue has not even been dealt with? The more I talk to people in this state, the more I get led back to childhoods spent in one form of abuse …sometimes emotional and therefore psychological, more often than not physical. Whatever the case, the Inner Child, the most powerful part of Man, is stuck in a place of terror, unreliability, hopelessness, helplessness and therefore despair. These are constantly accompanied with deep feelings of loneliness, a phantom from the isolation in which they experienced the fear and dread of all those years ago.
Almost all alcoholics, lost someone dear and close to them. Ironically, they all seem to be mothers or wives. Its like the point of no return. And this despair causes Man to run for solace, to many far and different things: consumerism is the disease but its manifestation is plenty.
So now, addictions in today’s society are far and varied; the most obvious being substance abuse next comes nymphomania, shopaholicism, fame, fortune and wealth but the least obvious is escapism. Most rampant of them all is escapism, this one is subtle and simple states that as long as they do not know the disorder then I can act normal and get away with it. The real term is self-righteousness, usually seen as fanatisms and extremism.
Now, this is the real state of the world. How long have we hidden behind facades saying that its ok as long as others do not know? How long do we all exist in varied states of depression and loneliness? How many of us are suffering but would rather die than admit everyday is a struggle? The very obviously substance abusers are those who realizing have nothing to loss, no longer hide. It is a cry for help many overlook, turn a deaf ear to. Some of us have even walked away from such, I mean who wants to be associated with such right? How sorry …
I am distraught, many I care for and others who I don’t, are caught up in a war and every day seems to be a losing battle.