RENEWAL OF THE MIND
So, it was my birthday yesterday…getting closer to 30 and its not what I had hoped about really. It was the best yet but still uncomfortable.
Before now, birthdays were just one more thing in the existence of life: they never really marked anything significant. Rather, they were an excuse to be self-centered. which of course led to shallow feelings and choices and yeah …The concept has been slowly changing: like for one, it means the end of one cycle and the beginning of another in life. Unlike the New Years, it is something rather personal. A rebirth of sorts. I begun to see the minute details like the time of birth even …it mattered.
Still, this time about, I was thinking back to everything that has contributed to make me into the identity I hold. The experiences I can’t remember but recall constantly in the body. Those I remember and recall of my own volition: they became stories I told about myself. Those I remember but made peace with: I no longer carry them around as recalls. They are just experiences had. How all these- consciously, subconsciously, unconsciously- contribute to the totality of who I am.
This birthday was a marker of years gone, all the choices made and those ran from. The shadows and the light: the mistakes and the wisdom. The cowardice and the courage. Everything just mixes up to make this being I have always thought I was …yet how wrong! My totality is far from being complete, has barely even begun existing yet. I have many more lifetimes to live and concentrating on the those already lived just limited me.
Rebirth. This was a rebirth: the onset of a new cycle… yearly cycle, a decade. This was personal and not in the narcissistic way but rather where one make conscious and intentional choices of what to do.
There is power in all these but do we ever stop to think it through? I don’t know but I did this year round. Now I know that everyone I meet is nothing more than an agglomerate of stories told to them, by them and for them: the choices they made because of these said stories and how they feel about themselves because of all this. It is what it is.
It can be said that this year I choose to intentionally practice compassion: not the hero’s complex before but rather the act of acknowledging other people as their own people. To not make their actions personal: about me but understand everything they do has to do with them.